 Tagline: If you're going to hire Machete to kill the bad guy, you better make damn sure the bad guy isn't you! From director Robert Rodriguez (Grindhouse, Sin City) comes an action- packed, cutting-edge serving of carnage asada...with killer deleted scenes that deliver more guns, more girls and more Machete action! Set up, double-crossed and left for dead, Machete (Danny Trejo) is an ass-kicking ex-Federale who lays waste to anything that gets in his path. As he takes on hitmen, vigilantes and a ruthless drug cartel, bullets fly, blades clash and the body count rises. Any way you slice it, vengeance has a new name--Machete. Storyline: The highly skilled Federale Machete is hired by some unsavory types to assassinate a senator. But just as he's about to take the shot, he notices someone aiming at him and realizes he's been set up. He barely survives the sniper's bullet, and is soon out for revenge on his former employers, with the reluctant assistance of his brother Cheech Marin, who has become a priest and taken a vow of nonviolence. If you hire him to take out the bad guys, make sure the bad guys aren't you! Written by rmlohner Reviewer's Note: Reviewed by Casey Broadwater, January 3, 2011 -- Less than four months after Arizona controversially ratified its stringent immigration reform law in April 2010, Planet Terror director Robert Rodriguez released a timely retort: Machete, a retro-fied Mexploitation free-for-all that bathes the debate over border control in countless gallons of fake blood. Born out of a faux-trailer featured in Grindhouse—the collaborative Tarentino/Rodriguez homage to the schlockier side of 1970s cinema—Machete is pulpy, gratuitous, and self-aware, suckerpunching us in the gut with violence, flashing some titillating T&A our way, and then giving us a sly, ironic wink, a reminder that it's all in bloody-good fun. And it is. Unlike the spate of over-processed blockbusters that clogged up theaters last summer, Machete feels spontaneous and unhindered; you get a sense that it was as enjoyable to make as it is to watch. Judging by the internet hype, The Expendables should have been the most badass big-dumb-fun action fest of 2010, but I'm prepared to bestow that honor on Machete, a film that goes gleefully and unrelentingly over the top. To illustrate, allow me to explain the sheer madness that is the first five minutes of the film. Rogue Federale "Machete"—played by craggy character actor Danny Trejo in his first real starring role—barrels his car into a secret hideout on a mission to rescue a kidnapped damsel. With his titular weapon he cuts a literal swath through a series of thugs—at one point decapitating three unlucky fools with a single swipe—and finds the woman lying nude on a bed, completely naked because, as she puts it, "it's too hot to wear clothes." Just when we get used to the idea of this sultry Latina as our potential heroine, she stabs Machete in the leg with his own knife and then reaches down, pulls a cell phone out of her lady parts, and calls in none other than Steven Seagal as Rogelio Torrez, a portly, samurai sword-wielding drug czar who speaks in a mumbled would-be Mexican accent that's sounds more like a cross between Brando-as-The Godfather and, well, Steven Seagal. It's ridiculous and—since Seagal is so game for it—hilarious. Rodriguez lets us linger in the comedy of the situation for a moment before Torrez summons in Machete's wife and brutally lops off her head. The changes in tone throughout the film, from laugh-out-loud to gasp-in-shock, come in split-second shifts that effectively keep us off balance. You never know what to expect. The story proper picks up a few years later, with Machete now working as an illegal day laborer in Texas, where he's come to escape his past. Or, try to, at least. After seeing his skills in a back alley brawl, crooked businessman Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey) strongarms Machete into an assassination attempt on senator McLaughlin (Robert DeNiro), an anti-Mexican hatemonger who has promised, as part of his re-election campaign, to build an electrified border fence. It's all a set-up, though, with Machete as the unsuspecting fall guy. On the run from a buttoned-up immigrations officer (Jessica Alba), an Iranian hitman (special effects guru Tom Savini!), and a cadre of Hispanic-hunting rightwing vigilantes—led by a brilliantly used Don Johnson—Machete teams up with Michelle Rodriguez as Shé, a female revolutionary who runs an immigrant support network, and together they unite a standing army of gardeners, construction workers, and short-order cooks. There's some pointed social satire here, sure—really, how couldn't there be—but Robert Rodriguez and his co-director Ethan Maniquis are more concerned with constantly one-upping themselves to deliver a balls-out exploitation experience. And to that end, they completely deliver. You want comically grisly violence? How about Machete slicing a dude's stomach open and using his intestines as a rope swing, or Cheech Marin as a pot- smoking, weapon-toting priest, pulping bad guys' faces with blasts from his dual-wielded shotguns? Looking for gratuitous nudity that's trashy and playful? How about a Jessica Alba shower scene or Lindsay Lohan parading around topless? And, of course, there's plenty of WTF, from a crucifixion and the use of a weed-wacker as a deadly weapon, to pimped out low-riders bouncing with hydraulics and gattling guns mounted on motorcycle handlebars. Did I mention the sexy, short-skirted nurses manhandling automatic weaponry? While the film is undoubtedly a testosterone-fueled fantasy, it's in a winking way that's more clever than simply meatheaded. Machete gives us what the average modern male moviegoer supposedly wants—explosions, one-liners, boobage—but takes it all to the point of self-conscious absurdity. It works. Part of the reason it's so successful is that all of the actors play it deadly straight, even when they're mouthing what I'm assuming is intentionally awful dialogue. Jeff Fahey is perfect as a reptilian businessman with ulterior motives. DeNiro is a blast to watch, and it's good to see him trying something a little different. (Although his George Bush-ish good old boy Texan drawl does sound affected.) Even Michelle Rodriguez—who's normally irritatingly brash—finds a comfortable balance between tough and sensitive. The show, though, belongs to Danny Trejo and his termite-eaten fencepost of a face. After years as Default Mexican Bad Guy, he finally gets the role he was born to play. And I've got to say, I like Machete as a character. He's part Billy Jack, part The Man With No Name—he seems like he'd totally rip your face off at the slightest offense, but he's a surprisingly principled guy who's really just out for justice. I'm all for a sequel, and Rodriquez supposedly has two of them in the works—Machete Kills and Machete Kills Again. Machete is a summer action movie done right—it's pulpy and visceral, but it also has an ironic, tongue-in-cheek tone that lies somewhere between spoof, satire, and homage. The Blu-ray disc is a winner as well—with a striking high definition transfer and a strong audio track—although it does come up short in the supplements department. Regardless, if you're looking for something fun, funny, and as violent as all hell, Machete definitely fits the bill. Recommended. Cast Notes: Danny Trejo (Machete Cortez), Robert De Niro (Senator John McLaughlin), Jessica Alba (Sartana Rivera), Steven Seagal (Torrez), Michelle Rodriguez (Luz), Jeff Fahey (Michael Booth), Cheech Marin (Padre Cortez), Don Johnson (Von Jackson), Shea Whigham (Sniper), Lindsay Lohan (April Booth), Daryl Sabara (Julio), Gilbert Trejo (Jorge), Electra Avellan (Nurse Mona), Tom Savini (Osiris Amanpour), Billy Blair (Von's Henchman). IMDb Rating (02/11/17): 6.7/10 from 169,384 users
 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
